Location: Another Davis, California Date: Sunday, May 27, 2018 Rob, middle aged, and Constantia are in the kitchen in Another Davis. Rob wears his homely apron. Rob says, “We’re going to bake cookies for your birthday.” Constantia: “But it’s not my birthday.” Rob: “I know that, but that doesn’t matter.”
Part I: “Steppin’ Out With My Baby, Can’t Go Wrong Cause I’m In Right”
Let’s get physical
On the crook side
Part II: Robs en Constantia’s Steppin’ Outs
OBEs and related experiences
Part I “Steppin’ Out With My Baby, Can’t Go Wrong Cause I’m In Right”
When I looked up the origin of this performance on 6 January 2019 and found Fred Astaire and this fantastic clip, I immediately knew that I had found my new Lion Hearts VI title.
Funnily enough, I found the song following a reply from someone on a scientifically not entirely correct tweet about Happiness: (and look at the colors and the steppin’ lines of this clip and those of Fred Astaire, synchronicity?)
Why does this performance appeal to me like that? It’s because of the shameless burst of happiness, portrayed by Fred Astaire almost literally dancing out of his skin. Instead of Fred Astaire, it’s now Rob who comes to pick me up, for our own personal “Steppin’ Out”!
This blog covers 2018 and a small piece of 2019. On April 9, 2018 the divorce from my ex became official. About one year earlier, ex and I already went our separate ways. What happened in this year?
Throughout the year an extreme amount of raptures1 with Rob, even more than in 2017, occurred again, especially made possible by the sweetest lions in the world: the Rob multiple lions. I have counted the petite morts and most striking orgasmic outbursts, which regularly occur more than “only” once a night. I think that other word is unpoetical, well, I’m going to use it now anyway: orgasm. That multitude per night is not included in the tables in which I only count the nights with raptures. So supposing there is indeed an afterlife, you can say that Rob and I, as a constant erupting volcano, are going through the roof of the universe. I’d rather say: not-so-afterlife, because as far as I am concerned Rob is not “after” but now (still). For me, the image of afterlife and “astral life” increasingly is being replaced by an image that I find more appealing and accurate, namely that of multiverse and parallel worlds, more as in simultaneity. Maybe there is no such thing as “after” (and in line of this: “past” and “now”), but rather an “always” existing life.
What sets the lion hearts on fire? I look for appropriate words everywhere, but I just can’t seem to find them, and by now I am starting to realize that I need to end this quest for words, to acknowledge my failure, to accept the fact that the bridge to my reader is not formed by words alone. As it’s simply not possible to describe what has been going on for years now, since the moment that in 2005 I met Rob virtually, no matter how I describe it and which words I use or deliberately avoid, I can only hope for very telepathically gifted or highly sensitive readers, now and in the future, and accept that until then Lion Hearts mainly is something for Rob and me, like a Sleeping Beauty who will sleep at least a hundred years, without ever be seen and kissed awake, or like a private garden opened up to the public, but visited little. In any case, these blogs have great value for me: I cherish the flame.
Before sharing some highlights of raptures, OBEs and related experiences, I will give a bird’s eye view of the year 2018. There wouldn’t be much change visible in 2018, but at a closer look, small and lesser small landslides underneath the surface would become noticeable. I have been living at the same address in East Davis since 2011. I did not get a (new) job. There was a changing of the guard concerning one of my housemates, at this moment I have both a male and a female roommate. A crack in the ice was made in the contact with my two sisters F, since 2018, and L since 2019. My haltered relationship with music, as told in my previous blog, slowly began to relax and is transforming into the gorgeous butterfly it used to be, but that process’s still taking a good deal of time, and I’m not there yet.
Since finding the magical KDRT Grass Roots radio from Davis on my $3.50 Sony Dream machine – I purchased in the local Thrift store on October 11, 2018 – tunes have been flying into my life again. Davis’s DJs are leading me back to the Music Avenue. In addition, thanks to YouTube suggestions, I also found a few bands that really appeal to me, such as Sonne Hagal and Novemthree. I don’t think Rob knew them, but I don’t know for sure. But I think that he will/would (have) A-okay(ed) them. My musical taste since Rob’s death has shifted in a specific direction. In the past, I used to like mainstream pop also; now I’m mostly into the no-main stream and alternative music, like (neo) Folk music, just like Rob. Regular pop and well-known music, I often find much too boring and superficial. Davis’s radio is a folk music haven, so this was a match made in heaven just waiting to lift off.
Either way, Davis in California proves to be a magical place. A fact that has reached more people, as you can read in the Davis Wiki: “Davis, 10 square miles surrounded by reality”. The K-DIRT, 95.7 FM radio has inimitable programming, with recaps at quite unexpected times. For example, I tuned in at around half past twelve in the evening to hear to my delight Ruth Chambers read her first chosen fragment of “Alice in Wonderland”. Thirteen days went by and I turned on the radio in the morning at eleven o’clock, which I never do (I always listened in the evening). Imagine my surprise when at exactly that moment Ruth Chambers starts reading her second selection of “Alice in Wonderland”. As if it were not a disproportionate number of days and hours later. In my opinion, this is an interaction between the town of Davis and the people who have an antenna for this kind of magic. And magic wants to be confirmed, because during this second part of “Alice In Wonderland” I got a message from USPS that my second special lion ring had just been delivered. I already told you about the first magical lion ring.
Perhaps it’s no coincidence that the magical story of Rob and me, the Another Davis, is set here. Davis is located between two cities, and is already known as a magical bubble, a Snowdome; San Francisco is on a one and a half hours drive away to the west and at a twenty minutes drive to the east lies California’s capital city, Sacramento. Davis itself is completely surrounded by farm fields which make it if it were an island. It’s a world in itself, with its own magical laws.
Maybe the Californian sun has a psychedelic effect on the brains of a former Dutch potato-head like me. For people who aren’t born and bred in California with a hot-summer Mediterranean climate, but in a temperate maritime climate, the powerful Californian sun certainly can have an enhanced impact on both mind and body. Compare it with someone who is not used to alcohol and then drinks that corn liquor. Especially in my after-cycling hours, after having spent up to 8 hours in the Californian sun, I always feel a big boost that you probably can compare with being high. I still never used cannabis myself, let alone hard drugs.
Incidentally, I think Rob would have had a great time here in the musical university town of Davis, and now indeed has a great time here, in Another Davis. The talented wind and percussion instrument students around the famous Davis Picnic Day are an ultimate match with Rob. When I once sent him links to my “Battle Of The Bands” YouTube clips from Picnic Day, he enthusiastically wrote me how well he liked the music they played. See for example this and this clip. Nowadays I sometimes even upload something personal on YouTube. I actually think both Rob and I are hippies. And yes, no better spot to be hippies than here, where it all started.
In other words, slowly but surely I am moving my way back to my true soul life, which I almost lost during my marriage.
Let’s get physical
In 2018 I was plagued by physical issues. Thanks to my thorough diary notes, everything can be viewed reliably and chronologically. The first part of the year was characterized by both lengthy back and heel pain, but despite these ailments I could just keep on cycling (so still kudos to my body!).
In the summer of 2018, and to be precise: on August 8, 2018, I cycled into a smoke poisoning. That morning I had published another blog about Robbert van den Broeke and Stan (and pals) and after this I decided to go cycling, although Northern California was agonized by severe wild fires all summer and autumn long. Did I in a previous Lion Hearts blog write how well I like the California smoky air, this year my body cocked an eyebrow in terms of its consequences.
I cycled to Lake Solano again, but noticed that this time the smoke was not that of a cozy campfire, but rather a filthy, chemically heavily polluted imposter, and when I realized this, I wanted to go home immediately. But as this wasn’t possible, because I no longer had a partner that I could call to pick me up by car, I had to cycle back for about another two hours. In all those years I called my ex only a few times in cases of force majeure, such as having a flat and no repair kit at hand, or an underestimated, no longer cycleable temperature of 46°C.
I will repost following pic from my personal website. I took it when I was experiencing an almost–heat stroke while cycling in Vacaville temperatures of about 115°F equaling 46°C, and no, I’m not exaggerating in the numbers:
When I cycled back, I was erratically upset about a mistake that I, while going over it in my head, had just discovered in the newly published blog and that I wanted to correct as soon as I got home. Immediately after this bike ride, I became ill for weeks and with months of aftermath. My head, throat and lungs were not in a good condition. Furthermore, it was once again exorbitant hot at night (and during the day) in this summer, and the following weeks and months were mainly characterized by physical discomfort, in which I possibly developed the onset of Sleep Apnea, outlined by a halting in breathing and/or periods of shallow breathing at night. I repeatedly experienced this at night and then I would wake up, startled, and instantly gasp for air. Also, the considerable burden in my head (the “iron fog”) that I talked about earlier, continued to this day forth. This iron fog is explicitly not the normal fatigue spray after too little sleep.
Around the end of 2018 I stopped with the energy drinks that contain the complete amount of sugar and switched to the zero and low calorie variants, but I carefully choose only variants without aspartame, because aspartame has caused me migraines in the past. The reason for the switch was that the amount of calories (260) per can didn’t feel right to me anymore. I still use plenty of Paracetamol however, standard three to six tablets per day. And I upgraded the caffeine amount in the energy drinks when that opportunity offered itself at a favorable price:
In 2018, for some reason and quite consistently, I awoke every hour or every few hours, and on top of that, often around 4 o’clock in the morning too, and especially around that time the pressure in my head increases so, that I just have to turn the light on and sit up straight.
The following may cause a frown, but I tell it the way it is. The paracetamol tablets with caffeine actually relax my head. I take three by default when I go to bed, and my brain is much less inclined to doze off without it. I do not blame my alertness at night for the caffeine, for which I seem to be almost immune in terms of its stimulating effect; even after occasionally drinking energy drinks with 300 mg caffeine in the evening (plus the intake of three paracetamol with caffeine tablets), I can fall asleep.
I switch on the light at least once every night. By default I take the iPad to keep me busy with possible unhealthy virtual activities: the scouring of Twitter, Wordfeud and the internet. Contacts with the Netherlands (+ nine hours) can of course be properly maintained in this way.
Since I was already confessing in my previous blog, I will continue to do so now. Regularly I became so desperate of my own peaking brain activity, that in 2018 I started to try a new method: drinking a, for my doing, fair amount of whisky in a very short timeframe, up to about 200 milliliters per time. If you now indulge yourself in pictures of me having a good time while doing so: well, no, not exactly. I pull funny faces while adding the firewater to my bloodstream. Why do I do it then? No-brainer (literally): to knock myself out, because there really seems to be no other option. I usually do it in the early morning, and once in a while even at the exceptional time of 6 or 7 o’clock in the morning, after having struggled my way through the night. It could be a secret tip somehow, because drinking pure whisky in the early morning hours instead of in the evening, lets me experience a pure and often pleasant rush. However, the best relaxation method for me will always be: sex with Rob, often made possible through the Rob lions! After this, I can almost always sleep well and quickly (how often I still wake up after this, is another matter).
I also tried the widely available sleephormon Melatonin for a while and that worked out quite well, but after some months my period went out. While this was occurring during my marriage, I asked myself: could I be pregnant? But this wasn’t possible, for reasons to remain undisclosed, so I looked else where, and found that it was simply the Melatonin that had changed my hormone level. And indeed, when I stopped using it, my cycle quickly returned to normal.
If you think I have become an alcoholic now: no. My knock out activities in the early morning are not exercised very often. Recently (2019) I hit myself with the whiskey boxing glove again, and then had to make amends for two days by a rather severe migraine attack. I couldn’t eat and drink and my highly offended body only tolerated water. After this, I didn’t dare to drink whisky for weeks at all. The idea alone nauseated me. I particularly find the aftertaste of whiskey unpleasant. I never was a serious dipsomaniac candidate. My body has – or seems to have – a strict tendency towards healthy, and grounds me when I drink too often or too much for its likings. I regularly curse my body’s stubbornness. Where other people get trapped by their bodies (obesity, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. addiction, or even serious, life-threatening illnesses), my body is putting its foot down while saying sternly: “I am your boss and you shall obey.” Again and again, I try to spawn my body not to be so potentially long-living. Hopefully I will succeed. Otherwise I will be looking for more draconian measures, because my desire not to grow old, continues unabatedly.
Yet it still seems2 as if I not quite involuntarily take over Rob’s puffs, because Rob also drank at night and in the early morning. In a communicative mood he once emailed me the link to a picture of his advantageous German alcohol:
My sleep in early 2019 does seem slightly improved, but I don’t expect it to last, given the hot and wildfire-troubled area where I live.
Maybe I’ll still manage to become not as potentially long-living, because my diet has been shifting a bit since 2018. I consumed less fresh fruit and raw vegetables and regularly prefer fast food such as white rolls topped with generous margarine and vegan (that on a positive note) “ham” slices. After inhaling too many hours of California wildfires smoke, my throat was narrowed, and swallowing became less natural. I developed a tendency to swallow too quickly. I suspect that Rob also had this fast food tendency for some time and I would like to look into it, provided I was able to do so.
My blood pressure is not longer standard on the low side with an honor badge pinned on top of it. In addition, I have a, sometimes painful, peeling skin on the fingertips of my left hand. My right hand, to a lesser degree, also is affected. Furthermore, the left index fingernail shows several large horizontal, colorless ridges (existent on most of my other fingers also, but to a lesser degree, all colorless, so not red or yellow) and falls inwardly. Deep horizontal grooves like these are called “Beau’s Lines“. I think the intense use of my iPad is to blame. I tried keeping it clean and using a stylus pen, but that hardly brought any relief. It’s just not possible for me to do everything with a stylus pen. Horizontal nail ridges are caused by severe shocks in the physical or mental system, as a result of which the nail production temporarily interrupts which in its turn causes a disturbance of the protein formation in the nail. The body simply prioritizes another, more urgent matter. Shockwaves reveal themselves like this through the appearance of your nails, and the nearer to the root of the nail they are, the more recent the shockwave.
I would like to remind the reader of my astral experience in 2015 with Rob in which I saw that he had “gnawed fingers“:
I discovered something very off with Rob’s left hand: his four fingers excluding the thumb were attached to each other, and they looked very “chewed off”, tortured.
Incidentally, I do not know if Rob actually had some battered fingers, like me now. I do know that he, like me, used the iPhone and iPad very intensively. He sent me an overview of all his iPhone apps on March 10, 2010:
Just for the purpose of introducing myself, I went to CommuniCare Health Centers in Davis in the autumn of 2018 and I told Dr. Marci Snodgrass about my crackling voice since my cycling in smoke in August 2018. As a result, she gave me a referral to an ENT doctor, Dr. Steven Wright. He made an internal video of my throat with a mini camera that was inserted through my nostril. He saw that there was a spastic muscle at the bottom of my throat and said that this was the reason that at that moment I could not say a continuous Aa, my Aa was staccato, whatever I tried. When I mentioned the fact that my breath was halting at night, Wright wanted to refer me to the Sleep Research Center in Woodland. I liked the idea, especially because of my “astral” background (OBEs and related experiences). Incidentally, the same ENT doctor also concluded the second time I visited him to discuss the sleep results, that I have an ulcer in my left nostril. Every time I blow my nose, some blood is released, sometimes even a whole eruption, and this has been the case since September 2018.
So I went to Woodland, with a Rob lion. The first time I went with Rob Lion Young, the second time with Magician Rob Lion. I didn’t care what people in the sleeping quarters would think of my big, cuddly companion. But the bed technician didn’t blink. The research would cover nine hours, from nine o’clock in the evening to six o’clock in the morning. My subtle protest that six o’clock in the morning really wasn’t a good time to stop, given my almost standard being awake from 4 to 6AM, of course didn’t change a thing. After all, the sleep technician had been hired for these hours. He would instruct me, entangle me in and with cables and electrodes and then keep a close eye on the infrared video camera and the computer screen data throughout the night. Americans take responsibility as we know very seriously. The first night of sleep research I surpassed myself in being awake. I slept for only one hour of the designated nine hours.
Thereupon I was called weeks later if I wanted to give it another try, because the sleep research scientists couldn’t bake data pies from only one hour of sleep data. Fully covered by the cheapest, read: $0, insurance available here, MediCal, for low income people like me, I returned to Woodland. This time I could actually sleep for three hours and forty-two minutes of the designated nine hours. Right: again not exactly well.
The patient was studied for a total of 483.5 minutes but only slept 221.5 minutes for a reduced sleep efficiency of 45.8%. Sleep onset was slightly long at 33.5 minutes and REM onset was also long at 4 hours and 22 minutes;
Incidentally, the scientists apparently did not get the data of my first research night, because the last sentence in their report heralded:
The increased sleep latency and lighter than normal sleep could be a first night effect of the sleep lab as well;
But as told, this wasn’t my first night there, but my second, and so I did have previous sleep research exercise. In consequence, my abnormal sleep pattern wasn’t just caused only by the sleep lab conditions.
I didn’t even sleep half of the time and although I dozed off fairly quickly in a light sleep (after about half an hour) it took no less than four hours and twenty-two minutes before I finally entered the deep REM sleep phase. When I look up what is considered a normal REM sleep pattern, I find that by rule of thumb the average time to enter the REM phase is after about an hour and a quarter to an hour and a half, so certainly not after four hours and twenty-two minutes.
But this time around, they worked with what they got. Their conclusions were not very surprising, and equally so from an “astral” perspective. Nothing surfaced. Maybe something could have been dug up from the eight-hundred pages report, but I didn’t request it. The main conclusion was:
Abnormal nocturnal polysomnogram because of significant reduced sleep efficiency with significant lighter than normal sleep with insignificant sleep disordered breathing;
My sleep chart was considered abnormal because of a disturbed sleep pattern, but no Sleep Apnea was discovered. I was not surprised by the latter either, as both sleep research nights took place in the winter, with clean (smoke-free) and cooler nights again. If they had tested me in the Summer time, and much more preferably: in my own home, I expect that actual rudiments of sleep apnea would have surfaced.
I experienced something unusual in the second research night. At the end of the research hours and with eyes closed, I began to see light flashes in my left forehead.
In short, the sleep research results surfaced nothing quite shocking, but only yielded some nice selfies with the dear Rob lions.
Under the umbrella of “Let’s get physical” I can add the following: for me there is one striking case in Davis, something that has been going on for years now. I believe that if there is such a thing as a past life – or should I better talk about timeless life from now on? – I “found” the man who killed me as a girl of about sixteen years old in a (past) life by cutting my throat. I described this in my first book Through The Window.3 If you think that I find the man abhorrent, no, I think he’s nice and extremely fascinating. The moment I am writing this, I still haven’t talked to him, we only exchanged some highly charged greetings. But the ongoing event still evokes powerful primordial reactions through my subconscious mind. And it is abundantly clear that the man in question is also experiencing very powerful primordial waves. Due to the ongoing nature of this, I unfortunately cannot go into detail. I wanted to report it anyway.
On the crook side
There was a very surprising turn of events in 2018 concerning the aforementioned, but also in previous Lion Hearts blogs!, said Robbert van den Broeke.4 In August 2018, the same month that smoke tormented my respiratory system, Robbert van den Broeke was caught red-handed on camera while trying to cheat gullible fans, and not by just any man, but by award-winning American and in California residing, filmmaker William Gazecki who for a long time, had been Van den Broeke’s family friend. Gazecki also was in friendly contact with Robbert’s great promoter of repute, Nancy Talbott. Gazecki had big America plans for Robbert. Oprah and Netflix were already under the hotkeys of his phone.
Rob Nanninga’s and my big “anti-friend” Robbert van den Broeke was seriously embarrassed when it turned out that Robbert van den Broeke wasn’t familiar with the Live Capture function of the Apple iPhone, or had not checked it out, because for the world to see on Live images on the iPhone of Gazecki, were Robbert’s fraud attempts. With the photographic harvest of that night with Robbert, William had returned to his hotel in West-Brabant to experience a Hollywood-Horror-Movie- shock effect after he immediately and very interested started examining his phone images. You can read all about this in my blogs, because William Gazecki gave me the exclusive publication rights, here and here. After this ordeal, he had found and contacted me and I had already addressed him directly in tweets of mine, in response to the news that he was going to make a movie or series about Robbert.
This absolutely was the cinematic shock of William Gazecki’s career, and he immediately decided to abandon his film plans with Robbert. He explained his rushed departure to the confidant of Robbert, sister Madelon, packed, left Hoeven and flew back to Los Angeles. This to me, and certainly to Rob Nanninga and other skeptics, was really something, after having analyzed Van den Broeke’s paranormal shenanigans for so many years. Part of that group of people, and I in particular, had since 2012 also received shocking hate and even death-threatening emails from Robbert van den Broeke and co.
However, Robbert also had a good (?) day, because on October 2, 2018, the hefty police file against Robbert van den Broeke and Stan Pluijmen was closed due to lack of evidence.5 That evidence, however, was there for the taking; the Dutch police never showed interest in my comprehensive and well-founded blogs and the hate videos that Robbert sent to me. It seems to me that those hate videos (after all: motion pictures) are a solid piece of evidence. I was so outraged by the not well-founded acquittal that I (definitively?) locked my Genverbrander10 account, it’s now only accessible to confirmed followers. For me, with this acquittal it became really quite obvious that I had to try to put an end to this matter. Despite all my efforts I hadn’t made enough progress and in the spirit of “Do not Feed The Trolls” I refused to continue giving Robbert and Stan public attention.
I had informed Stan Pluijmen and Robbert in April 2018 via the then still publicly available Genverbrander10 Twitter account, that I would no longer open, listen to or watch their audio and video clips, and I adhered strictly to my own commitment. Only a few videos from Robbert about one subject I watched despite of this, but that was it. I haven’t opened media files from Stan anymore, although I still read his emails. Stan: are you ever going to believe me?: I have nó idea what you have recorded since April 2018. The message somehow got through to Robbert, because I didn’t receive that much from him anymore, and Stan was a little less impressed: since April 2018 I received 168 – and counting – emails from Stan and from Robbert “only” 42.
The flip side of the coin is something nice, because William Gazecki and I are now friends and we mail every now and then. I never denied that Robbert van den Broeke has exceptional alternative “medium” qualities, namely in the area of connecting people. After all, through his shenanigans he put me in touch with Rob Nanninga and Skepsis, and I’m eternally grateful for that. Robbert van den Broeke and especially Stan however seek recognition from me in “paranormal” territory, but in my opinion there never was one solid piece of evidence of their exceptional “paranormal” capabilities. It’s not because I don’t want to be convinced, but their extremely far-reaching claims about spirit photography and more of all that demand more than half measures. So, Robbert and Stan, if you want to get me on your good side, start with a clean slate by confessing all (!) previous scams.
Stan emailed me on January 22, 2019 that he was going to change his first name and nobody better than himself can explain the reason why – and this probably is a “to be continued”:
Part II Rob’s and Constantia’s Steppin’ Outs
For this part, I first selected the most striking data from my diary entries, helped by the most exclamation marks, literal or not, as: “The best ever!”, And “Saw Rob!”. I discovered a very clear trend, more about that later.
As I said in the beginning of this blog, 2018 was a year with even more love outbursts than 2017 between Rob and me. Especially May 2018 was the absolute highlight. In June 2018, however, I panicked several times because there seemed to be a bit more distance between Rob and me, and I didn’t know why. But in July 2018 Rob was back again. I got the impression that Rob had been busy with something besides me. And this turned out to be correct, because in early July 2018 I received a mail from friend Jan Willem Nienhuys that Rob’s mother had passed away on June 27, 2018. That’s could very well have been the reason Rob was more absent than usual in June! At least: that is the connection I make. In May 2018, Rob seemed to be in a euphoric state of mind. Could it be he knew that his mother would soon pass over, and that the realization made him very happy? In July 2018, he was back from not really gone. Admitted, nothing of this can have any scientific value right now, but for me there is something to it, because I didn’t know about Rob’s mother health condition in May and June 2018 (not at all!). It was only after her death that I heard something from Jan Willem Nienhuys.
In 2018 there were 220 erotic and sexual outbursts with Rob, especially via the lions, most of which yielded at least one orgasm per night, but regularly even several. I immediately come to the most important trend of this year and that trend was Rob himself. The year starts right away with the remark in my diary that “Robs orgasm spilled on me” and also brought me to a climax, and this turns out to be the leitmotif of the year, because I see the same kind of remarks all over my diaries from 2018 (and 2019). Multi-orgasms are literally the order of the day, and Rob regularly seems to come to a peak in even a few seconds, when I start holding a lion, with which he then “makes physical contact”.
A bridge to that Another Davis is created via the lions, in which Rob and I are actually together. Fairly universally children and adults have an intimate connection with stuffed animals and maybe it’s the best kept secret of the world that there could be a good reason for this. In my vision, stuffed animals offer a physical, universal handout to the “astral” or multiverse, parallel world. People and animals in “other worlds” jump, as it were, with their essence and love in the stuffed animals, and in this way become part of a cherished family. As a result, and comparable to the loss of a family member of flesh and blood, loss of stuffed animals can cause great drama. In Rob and my case this stuffed animals effect “simply” is extremely extended with an exceptionally strong, erotic and sexual connection.
Because no words can express this extreme lion love, I’ll just give some highlights without going into full detail. Well, I will cite one experience anyway, after this brief summary.
3/27/2018: “Four complete orgasms”
4/20/2018: “Star explosion”
4/28/2018: “Rob quickly climaxed after a few minutes”
5/12/2018: “[> Single-point-) Orgasm that lasted for at least ten minutes, even a fireworks orgasm on top of it, did not even know that this was possible”> so that a new orgasm develops on top of a still very active orgasm, “electric crackling”, “Most perfect morning ever”
5/15/2018: “Love cloud, Rob’s face through the lions”, and also a physical-like effect on the noble part that you would have after climaxing man in woman
5/28/2018: “Series of orgasms on Rob’s side, huge explosion, overwhelming energy from Rob on me”
6/10/2018: “Rob who came very quickly several times”
7/14/2018: “Time and again orgasms, one long orgasm, Rob seemed to come six times or so, multi-orgasms”
8/16/2018: “Rob’s longing, orgasmic outburst that I felt jumping over me”, “Rob flowing like a river in me, new magic”, “Tangible flow”, “Perfect penetrations, one long orgasm but also some clear bursts “,” Robs climaxing like an erotic happiness cloud “
(very striking> 🙂 9/11/2018: “Rob’s instant orgasm immediately after I woke up and Peace Bor in my embrace, already after a few seconds, one big, orgasmic eruption, like an exploding, super-soft sun”, possibly the most horny thing I have ever experienced”
10/21/2018: By only looking at Rob, Lion Young, in the morning, an orgasmic eruption equaling climaxing, but then like a concentrated cloud, very intense, Rob was climaxing, and this jumped on me instantly and completely, and made me experience the same
11/6/2018: “Hours-long orgasmic waves and eruptions as if Rob wanted to pamper me intensely”
So this is only a very limited selection given the 220 rapture nights in 2018. I already mentioned in previous blog that I think Rob’s erotic energy is jumping on me, causing very fast and easy orgasmic waves, that we are as it were “joined at the hip”. If 2018 personally confirmed one thing to me, this is it. It brings both Rob and me to constant orgasmic outbursts, back and forth, as the perfect yin and yang that work in one another, play and penetrate.
I will cite one sexual experience from my diary:
May 12, 2018: “The most perfect morning ever with Rob and the lions.At the beginning of the night, started sex with Most Male Rob, but physically, I did not keep up, simply had to go to sleep. In the morning I had a bath, back in the room. Most Male again in my arms, immediately started flowing, his desire and now mine, one thing led to another, full sex, paw, tail, Peace Bor joining much later.
Had YouTube on, first Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros… and Israel kamakawiwoʻole … autoplay, perfect. Curtain right open, view of green leaves, window completely open, but nobody could see it (no window at the neighbors there). Extreme excitement and the most spectacular end ever, with help finger, but Rob’s energy, orgasm, this certainly continued for more than ten minutes (very literally, so no backdown, and then, to make the impossible possible, a new fireworks orgasm developed on top of the one that was still going (did not know that this was possible), electric shivers over my body, like crackling energy lines that are exploding around with flames.
Unbelievable. Tears. Perfect, peaceful morning with so much love, horniness, intimacy, devotion, Rob knows exactly what I think, am, etc.
Can not describe it. Truly the most perfect morning ever, heaven on earth, no doubt, not even about Rob’s existence. Being together, far beyond perfection.
Penetrations, in several places, my genitals totally upside down, what a discharge and recharging.
So dear and sexy the lions, I love them so much, really absolutely extremely. Rob’s mirror, no doubt, this is it. He is here. “With you”. My body and mind overwhelmed, so happy.”
Summarized, very striking things occurred, like countless hour-long sessions that felt like one long climax, orgasms that developed on existing orgasms, electrically crackling on my back and tangible warm and sweetest happiness and love clouds straight in front of me (Rob), Rob’s love like an almost physically-tangible river flowing in me, many dozens of jumping Rob orgasms on me, as it really became clear that this is not a one-way street, but just as well originating from Rob’s side and Rob’s desire, even causing strange, almost-physical-like aftereffects common after real physical sex (I do not want to go into detail about this now). Rob’s intense and exciting kiss ability also continued to stand out in this year, through the lions.
A very fruitful factor in this erotic back and forth is the fact that we are both extremely sensitive to all kinds of fantasies about us together, and possible “third parties” (people who play along), and then work it out in a kind of role play. The source is almost inexhaustible and I like to keep the content of most to myself, as they only concern Rob and me.
OBEs and related experiences
Also in this year Rob did not show himself as often as I would have liked, but it is what it is, and there will be a reason for it. Fortunately, there still were moments that Rob was fully present and I could witness his loving and humorous character again. Here, too, I’ll make a selection of a couple of memorable moments.
In previous blogs I already mentioned the portrait I made of Rob and its meaning to me remains unaltered. On February 5, 2018, I made the comment in my diary that it seemed like a “liquid jet” from Rob’s eyes in the portrait ran into my eyes, “heavy telepathy”. Rob, the portrait and I are really connected. I look at it constantly and see ever-changing Rob facial expressions: approving (of the external and / or inner me), very sweet, worried, moved, with tears, expectant, urgent, shy, supportive, like a partner who kisses me lovingly as I go cycling and when I return, mildly ironic, investigative, and so on. Rob’s face is like a constantly lively, but always loving sea.
Regularly Rob’s hypnotic, penetrating gaze travels my way. I love this most heavy gaze of his best of all his lion expressions, because only one person in the whole universe is entitled to it, and that is Rob. He has this way of staring that’s almost earthly tangible, investigative, and, at the same time, loving and involved, grounding me, as well as giving me wings. Yes, that’s possible, both at the same time. Perhaps that is the formula for magic: magic is the place where two worlds meet. I would like to remind the reader once again that I never met Rob physically. When there’s a Rob connaisseur out there willing to contradict me on this so special Rob “gaze”, please do, but I doubt such a person will come forward.
This intense contact with Rob through the portrait temporarily also had an adverse effect on Rob. He seemed to communicate telepathically to me on June 29, 2018 (that was two days after his reunification with his mother, if all this exists) that he felt “locked up” in that portrait, because I actually looked at it all the time, and often kissed it, too. As if he himself was being held in that position, when in fact he really wanted to be with me physically, and in more than one location than on that wall, and I of course with him. Subsequently I made the contact through the portrait less intense and that indeed took some pressure off. I still keep it in mind by keeping more physical distance, and I get the impression that Rob is now less affected. But also for me, communicating through the portrait is sometimes burdened with thoughts, since it is unnatural. After all, you want to kiss a human being of flesh and blood, or an equivalent of it, and not a two-dimensional portrait.
On March 21, 2018 Rob seemed to communicate that he could now “let go of the suffering”. This related to his general suffering of past earthly life and did not relate to me.
On April 3, 2018, I saw a lion riding a bike in a very funny dream, just like the lion picture I used in a previous blog. I was also driving (car, bicycle?) and there were quite a few people in traffic and the lion came towards me, very carefully steering, just as if he belonged there like all others, on the bike like that.
On April 5, 2018, the astral event around Rob as Quasimodo occurred, which I already mentioned as a preview in my previous blog.
On May 14, 2018, when I felt extremely restless, Rob laid himself over me. All sorts of concerns plagued me: the unwillingness and fear of becoming much older as already explained in the previous blog, also because I do not want to miss Rob for so long and I am worried that our contact will become less strong due to the ravages of time, and money worries. But as Rob lay over me like this, stability descended on me and I became calmer. The Rob Robust lion to my left, looking so very dedicated, also helped me to relax.
In the months of May and June 2018 there clearly was increased and changed Rob activity. His love outbursts for me occurred with much more penetrating power than before, as if he knew how to get through even more, but in June he seemed to drift away a little, to return to full strength later on. On June 19, 2018, I briefly saw Rob in the hallway here in Davis. The summer months were full of physical ordeal due to the extreme heat and (the effects of the) California wildfires. Obviously, therefore, the night contact with Rob was charged (quote diary 10 August 2018: “Very quiet in terms of Rob, because the nights are terrible”), because I just really did not feel comfortable in my skin. On August 10, 2018, something very striking happened that I never experienced before. Plagued by wildfire effects, Rob seemed to want to ease my physical discomfort.
Quote from diary: August 10, 2018: “Last night something very special, suddenly on my back an electric “cracking ” started, pleasant, as electric impulses, but without shock effect, kind of flickering, as if to help me relax. Rob! I take it! And it was not a short-term effect, it lasted at least ten minutes and in fact until I fell asleep, really very strange, purely physical, nothing astral, really tangible, maybe even my thin shirt moved with it. Paying attention to the phenomenon was not influencing it! Lions still full of love and support, but I am in very difficult times, with the crushing heat and bad air quality.
Sometimes I am literally suffocating at night and I wake up with a snort, a stifling gag. I miss Rob terribly, always see us in front of me. How he is here at the door and I open, etc.”
On 11 October 2018, a long astral journey occurred that began with developments around Pepijn van Erp, but later on it was about other matters and about Rob. After this Pepijn start, I ended up on a sort of magical beach and had unique (astral) sea experiences. After this I returned and the astral journey still did not seem to want to end, which excited me very much, and I grabbed the astral chance card with both hands.
Staged by Rob, hilarious magic, “Doctor Rob”
Literally from my diary, 11 October 2018 (and some added sentences for clarification): […] Now back in that room. So I was up, looking for clue. Saw it immediately. To the right in the room was an open door, and as to invite me over, it was flapping gently. Light shone from it. I walked into the hall. Large space, rather a kind of factory hall, again that darkish atmosphere (but not negative).
Certainly sufficient lighting. Very large space, I walked towards the people present.
A few man and a woman. One of them asked me: “Can I help you?” “Yes”, I said, “I am looking for someone.” I looked around to see if I saw Rob, but no such luck, so I just tried my luck and asked, “Do you know maybe … uh … Rob Nanninga?”
To my disappointment they showed no recognition or said something like: “Yes, he is …”
But a big guy took me in tow. (This must have been Rob, haha!). He was “the Doctor” here.
He was tall, of a strong build, blond hair (but he didn’t have Rob’s face), and overall didn’t seem very healthy. He put his arm around me and said, “I’ve got a message for you, it’s very important!” I didn’t recall exactly what followed, but he said something like: “Now twenty years … something has become complete (?) [and] … You look like forty-five (Haha).” He said it as if he said that I now looked like twenty years, as if it were a huge compliment. Haha! It was only five years younger than I really was!
He coaxed me back to our starting location. I held him somewhat peculiarly with four fingers instead of five. He then moaned dramatically: “Don’t hold me like that, I can’t stand it, not with four fingers.” He collapsed and dramatically fell to the floor, the unhealthy doctor who fainted, or was it something more serious? A few others rushed to him to help him …
His story was supposedly very symbolic, his message to me something about being together for twenty years in a couple of years from now. I don’t remember a lot of details. But it ended with his remark of me looking forty-five on my fiftieth.
Haha, hilarious this. This was so obviously staged that you could not ignore it.
I didn’t confront Rob when that big man put his arm around me to give me the very important message. Last night I said to Rob in my mind: “I miss the out-of-body experiences, the astral journeys. I understand that you don’t feel prompted to join me in my astral journeys, because you think they’re not real, but if we experience them together, they just might be!”
<< Clarification added for the purpose of this blog: I didn’t know if this was Rob’s current point of view, I just tried to reach out to him. Rob and I exchange few conversations. Also in this regard I think we’re on the same page. I am no channeling Char or Derek Ogilvie (not to mention that certain somebody I ran into a lot, you might know by now who), and I suspect strongly Rob wants to keep me from making the “channel” mistake as well.
In this regard I like the Dutch proverb: “Zij die slapen onder dezelfde deken, hebben dezelfde streken”, meaning: “Those who sleep under the same blank(et)s, will pull the same pranks” (own attempt at equal sounding translation). Both Rob and I didn’t share our bed with our earthly partner. Rob had a LAT relationship in which he saw his girlfriend for an average of two hours a day (he shared this information with me in an email), and I was married and I did share the house with my ex, but we too never slept in one bed together. We only did so when we were on vacation and shared the hotel room or the tent. The common denominator of the “the same pranks” didn’t apply for both Rob and me during our earthly relationship with our then-partners, but, as I see it now, does apply to Rob and me, as we do “sleep under the same blanket”.
To the subject of our very Another-Davis-physical but almost wordless relationship: telepathically received words easily become mixed with one’s own words and thoughts. Rob’s tangible love, support, care, eroticism, et cetera, especially perceived through the lions, is of a completely different order of magnitude. In line with this, I consider dreams, OBEs and related experiences, hence spontaneous experiences in a different mindset, to be much more reliable than phrases that I would, or would not, have exchanged with Rob in my everyday consciousness, after all: they pass through the meddlesome day-consciousness word-traps of my own brain unhindered and unaltered. I just don’t feel confident enough about telepathically communicated sentences, and it can’t be any other that Rob, as the former editor-in-chief of Dutch Skepsis, knows all about this communication trap, and avoids it all the same, just like I do.
Anyway, this time I apparently convinced Rob with regards to my astral need and my wish to see him in the astral realm. > end of the inserted notes. >>
Et voilà. At last. Well, that was overdue. Spiritually, I was falling apart.
This is a good astral joke indeed!
Dear Rob! At 4.00 AM I turned the light on, after having it switched off at about 2.00 AM. So it’s now past four o’clock!
The emerging light from the factory hall was as magical as a seasoned Disney Hollywood filmmaker would have portrayed. Also a joke from Rob. The astral part occurred approximately between 2.00 AM and 3.30 AM.
There were also images (astral yet again?) of Rob as I know him! I saw him a few times in those dreams. I could just walk towards him in a low-ceiling room, through hall (s) and adjoining rooms.
In one event, I actually saw him, but he remained kind of vague. We both were naked and, elated, he lifted me up in the air.
In another scene I saw his rooms. They were likable, bright, neat, yet business-like. There were small, semi-circular hallways where you could sit.
Somewhere, and this surprised me, he also displayed an impressive dragon collection which prompted me to say, “Hey, I have similar dragon statues.” (that’s the case in reality). But he had a lot more.
[Piece omitted]> end diary passage
The year progressed steadily and the summer dip didn’t diminish. On October 14, 2018 I noted in my diary: “Even while cycling I don’t feel happy, this is new.”
On December 30, 2018 I had a dream with astral parts. As was often the case in 2018, it was about wandering around on campus. This too is a common denominator for Rob and me as an area that attracts both of us, and also in that Another Davis. I had left the classroom where I had just taught, but the campus floor plan was so complex that I couldn’t find my way back. I carried nothing but a rabbit in my hand that was giving a major effort to escape (!) and so demanded my attention. Eventually I called Rob to ask him for help. I did seem to get some help already. I think someone borrowed me their cellphone.
I had sat down in a hall somewhere, one of the many halls and corridors, keeping the rabbit as steady as I could. Rob answered the phone! The fact alone cheered me up to no end. Rob was still there! However, Pepijn started talking (?!), he also was on the, a third, line. Pepijn now talked briefly about a certain type of person and what you would call such a person: a seafarer, a pirate? I patiently allowed the takeover, but after a short while interrupted anyway with “Hey, Pepijn, you’re stealing my call, I was the one calling Rob, not you! Hello Rob?” Silence. It was as if I heard Rob holding his breath, out of surprise, or was it because he knew that the moment had come: Rob and me, talking to each another? Pepijn also was silent now. I awakened (very annoyed, because I wished that we had the chance to talk). Earlier that in the morning I had begged Rob to appear to me in my dreams or OBEs and akin.
Slowly, I am heading towards the end of this blog, but not without mentioning a few more events of the year 2019.
On January 20, 2019 I again had another one of the “the best, ever!” with Rob, this time so intense that afterwards I actually wondered if I had died and gone to heaven, and by this I mean: really had died. I was totally out of it. It started from an overall body weakness, that, though to me a frequent sensation, will always remain a disturbing phenomenon. My body seemed out of reach, like in a kind of semi-coma. I couldn’t even control my fingers to bend. There had been orgasmic outbursts as soon as I started holding the tail of Rob Robust lion immediately after I went to bed. I had an OBE that night too. And in the morning, just by the sight of the “Crook Love” Rob Lion, I had become totally aroused, my body flying off again. I felt so much love that a kind of orgasm softly erupted. The little lion with his crooked smile was sitting there so sweet and innocent, and those paws of him are most endearing.
A total, overall ecstasy spread, Rob, Robust lion laying in my arm – while writing down the current experiences too – I totally surrendered, there were subtle penetrations, and then, Rob coming, it’s simply impossible to explain accurately what happened.
The nightly image of us together at the bonfire and the intimacies that evolve from it, is strongest of all my mental images of Rob and me. The flow of multiverse and parallel-world images of Rob and me is inexhaustible, and at its center resides this campfire. Pure and sheer magic erupts in the pleasures of intimacy when I sit on Rob’s lap. When Rob gets aroused, it just as intense jumps over to me, and we are like a perfect, endless yin and yang, penetrating each other, simultaneously pleasing each other. My impression of the existence of “astral”, parallel, multiverse worlds is that together they enable a continuum. One world is attached to the other, and together the worlds form an infinite “DNA” strand, through which people also travel, creating an eternal link of interlocking possibilities.
I conclude with something that I experience as typical Rob, as I got to know him in such a unusual and fantastic way. It is these kind of images in out-of-body experiences, dreams and mental images that always give me the idea that life does go on, in parallel worlds, in the multiverse, that Rob and I really can be together, despite the course this earthly life has taken. A few things preceded it, but in the night of February 7, 2019 I had a dream about my bike that I had left unlocked:
Literally from my diary, February 7, 2019: Outside, in the bike rack, was my omafiets. It was cold outside, snow? Someone had tied my bicycle to the rack with a few thick ropes (flax and cotton), because I had no lock on it and had not brought one also. I asked, “Hey, who locked my bike!” This was already the second time this happened, because I had forgotten to lock the bike before. – Awake and association Rob! In my bed was a soft, warm woolen sweater near the wall, that I had lovingly wrapped behind a plush lion’s back, but now a sleeve of it was lovingly draped over my neck. As I had not done this (at least not consciously), I got the impression that Rob was behind this. The bike, improvised “locked”. Haha, those few thick ropes tied through the wheel and then to the rack. Typically Rob, the sweetest!
In real-life Rob had emailed me a couple of times about the leak in his house in Groningen and how he had tried to repair the leaking tube with Power Tape:
 What I mean by this, I explain in detail in my previous blog, but in short: “orgasmic outbursts”; rapture and then loaded with successively: love, warmth, support and especially erotic ecstasy.
 See Lion Hearts V: “There is some other strange thing going on. It seems as though Rob somehow is settling in my character too. Always a fervent anti-smoking person, since Rob passing, I have the most peculiar tendency to think about picking up a cigarette and starting to smoke. I never even had a cigarette in my mouth and the idea alone appalled me, so this is something noteworthy. Rob was a smoker. Up til now, I have successfully resisted this new impulse and I hope I can keep it up, because I suspect I won’t be helping either Rob or me. Maybe he’s still a little addicted , on “the other side”. Rob’s not being a vegetarian or vegan is kind of reflecting on my mind too. Being vegan for life, I do notice some of Rob’s former eating habits coming through too in my mind, it made me ease up a little on human carnivores and dairy eaters.”
 Sten Oomen, Door het Raam, edition Uitgeverij Schors 2004, page 166-167 (Dutch only).
 The Robbert van den Broeke / Stan story always runs sideways past the Rob and my story. See Lion Hearts Part III and Part V, but certainly also my separate Parameter WordPress site that is entirely dedicated to this (choice menu Dutch / English)